Trying a change

So it has been awhile for a lot of things. I am very very close to the highest weight I have ever been. My highest was 206 and I am a couple off it I think. I can't remember what my last weight was. I am not totally sure what is going on. I know my realization of how much the concussion has affected me has been hard. It has been quite depressing but I am going to just try and move on. Course writing that I suddenly think I better stop and write down everything that I am supposed to do this week that I haven't written down yet as guarantee I will forget. I hate that.

OK, list of things I need to do is done. So anyway, I went for a walk tonight. My husband wasn't happy as it was dark and rainy but I NEEDED to do it. I walked for 23 minutes and for me that is something right now. But I am done doing this:

I only walked 23 minutes.

I probably just barely walked over a mile.

Who knows if my heart rate got up to what it should be for a good burn.

Done with that! Not a good way of thinking and I am going to try my darndest to move forward and think more positive. I was talking to a friend the other day and was telling her how I used to read a book or a chapter to each kid every night and how much they enjoyed it and sometimes I did to. I was saying how bad I felt that yet again I quit at something I had started. She said that she looks at it this way instead, "Wow. Look what I did and how fun it was. Great job. Now what should I do next." She said it was not a matter of that I didn't keep doing it. It was a matter that I did something fun and different for a time and it worked great. Now let's try something new. It really made me feel a lot better.

So yes I walked tonight and guess what? I went a WHOLE 23 MINUTES!!! And then guess what? I came home and grabbed that Super Big Gulp cup and filled it up with delicious ice and water and guzzled that baby. I was thirsty apparently. And it felt good to do it and felt good to know I had done it. Who cares how far or how long or how hard. What matters is I did it!

So grab a tall glass of ice water and toast yourself for whatever accomplishment you did today and enjoy it and smile!

Oh and I also did a load of laundry while I am doing a pat on the back moment. :)

Milking it.

Awhile back I had someone tell me that I hadn't been updating this blog very well. Sigh.....I know. So here is an update. The bad news. Last time I weighed (last Monday) it was a gross 188.2. Oh pickles! Forgot this is positive. :) Before August I had been exercising daily and sometimes twice daily. Yes I still ate crap food but my view is that at least I am doing something. And for those many people that constantly tell me you have to restrict calories AND exercise...I KNOW. I just hope that eventually my calories watching will come next but that at least I am exercising. And actually when I do really really exercise I do sometimes turn down that Ben and Jerry's knowing how many hours of exercise it is to burn that off. Then come early August I went hiking and fell. I got a nice gash on my forehead as I had my son on my back so I braced my fall with my head.Along with that came a nice big goose egg, bruising, and a horrible concussion. So for a few weeks I was down and I mean down. I sat in the recliner as much as I could. My kids watched non-stop TV just about. I was horribly sick. And I was so miserable that I started medicating with food. When the dizziness and headaches started subsiding then it was better but still not 100%. After about 6 weeks I had gone a few days with no migraines so I thought I would try exercising. It was very discouraging. I had done 20 minutes and had a horrible migraine that put me in bed. I tried it a few more times and still would have to stop after 10 minutes. It was so hard for me. And of course I kept medicating with food. :(. So I had slowly, and I mean slowly, trying to add more and more exercise in. 3 weeks ago I decided that I think I could do it and tried a full blown workout. Guess what? I made it. I had a headache for a couple hours but not a migraine and not for several hours. So that whole week I did P90X workouts. Then hubby one day said, "Let's wait till after I get back from this trip before we continue with workouts." I was feeling lazy and jumped on that band wagon. :) Then we started back up. Then I had major major major busy stress and had a neck injury to where it hurt to move. So I didn't exercise. Then of course after that? I got bronchitis. Oh yippee. I am not sure I will workout tomorrow as I still have been quite sick but I would like to. We will see.

So there you go. That is why I haven't blogged. Haven't lost weight, haven't really been able to exercise until recently, and have been in the dumps about this concussion. I am about 90% better now. I still have a TON of memory problems. It is very very frustrating. The thing I was finally able to do that I hadn't since getting it though? Read. Ahhhh, I missed reading and after the concussion it was hard to read. I would get headaches and struggle with the words. So the only reading I did was to my kids. So now if I could get my memory back we would be good. As for now, I try and write down EVERYTHING as I do forget. Have a super productive week people!

Oh. he he. As for the title of milking it? I was explaining to a friend once that I could not believe I had forgot something (sometimes my lack of memory still surprises me) and said that I still have problems since the concussion. She came back with, "Oh. So your still milking that concussion?" So guess what folks. Yes, I am still "milking" that concussion. :)

Exercise progress

My kiddos have been sick, I am guessing they got it from the gym. But I hate to say it, I am taking them back. I will just try to be more proactive about keeping them clean. But I can not wait to get back to the gym. My weight sizes are not that big at home and I really miss the bigger workout there. But I still have kept up with my exercising, every day. I have even stayed up till 11:30 pm once to make sure I got it in. I feel so much better. On most days I have great energy, when I get enough sleep. :) And when I was camping with the family I raced my daughter back and forth to the car to load our gear and I was surprised that I wasn't winded when I did that. Normally I would be so I am super pumped about that. Yay!

Missed me?

You know you did! he he. So a run down of the happenings. On June 1st I started the HCG diet. Can I tell you that I loved and hated those first fat loading days. Then by day 3 I couldn't wait to start the actual diet because I felt so terrible from all the junk food. I did ok. I could have done better if I hadn't cheated so much. :( But I did lose a total of 17 pounds! Yay for me! Since stopping the HCG I have stayed between the same range and started to get quite frustrated with myself. So I started exercising and....gasp......counting those darn calories. But I am down 19 pounds now!!!!! Waaa hoooooo! I have not seen that number on the scale in awhile and can't wait to see lower numbers. I won't go off the starting weight of this blog as I actually think I gained a bit. Oh man...just went back and looked at my starting weight. I gained a lot. UGH! I started HCG at 199.2. Shudder! I am now at 180! So I am quite excited and totally counting it as 19 and not the other. :)

So things I have discovered in the last 2 months. You actually do feel better when you exercise. I have found myself even exercising at 10 PM if that is the only time I can squeeze it in. And 2nd? Eating right is a totally complete lifestyle change. You have to commit to it FOREVER. These will be hard, I know. But I am looking forward to the adventure at the same time. Happy exercising!

Argh.

No excuses. But I am sure I can come up with some anyway. :) I gained 2 pounds last week and lost 2.1 this week. So I guess it is all good. It has been a very very stressful time lately. There...that is my excuse. I did recently join http://www.sparkpeople.com/. I absolutely hate journaling but I thought maybe it might help me be more successful. It is not easy for me to sit down and add it all but anything worth doing takes effort so this is my effort.

I have not exercised for 2 weeks. I am sad as I was doing so good. And guess what? Either the stress or the exercise is the culprit....I am so tired again. All the time. I do miss the exhiliration I got from exercising so I need to get back in the game.

And our exercising humor. My daughter LOVES to exercise with me but will whine and complain most of the time. She is doing a Wii exercise with me and the screen is not recognizing what she is doing so she was super frustrated. Our 20 minute workout turned into 45 with me doing almost a double workout. It was not the funnest thing but sometimes I couldn't stop laughing at her.

-1.8!

Finally something kind of good. he he. Does that count even though I had gained so much the last two weeks? I think so. Because I have started making some small changes. I have started exercising and loving it. Gasp! Did I say that? Honestly I really have enjoyed it. I sometimes even find myself wanting to do more. I got myself a Bountiful Basket on Saturday and have been eating more vegetables then I ever have. I even find myself craving some of them as snacks. Crazy. So maybe with these changes and more I can make this a more successful endeavor. Yeah me!

I have been trying to practice my Intuitive Eating and have been making headway with that. The hardest, funnest, scariest, and most exciting part is letting yourself eat what you want and know that it is not going to disappear and not be available because you are "dieting". For example, if I am at the grocery store and want some candy, I buy it. I eat it. I have found that I can stop eating (sometimes) because I know that if I want more it is there. Sometimes I do revert back to the "Oh no I really shouldn't be eating this and I am going to gain so much weight. Oh well, you have already ate 4 so now you might as well finish it off." syndrome. I hate that. And I am very good at when my husband tells me, "Oh why are you eating those? You have been working so hard." thinking, "I will show you. I will eat more now." So dumb. But during this process I have noticed some things. I really don't like M&M's. Whoa! I know! I actually have wondered if I just got a bad bag as my son won't eat them either but I have not been tempted to try more just to see. Another thing I loved and craved during Easter time was those huge creamy Cadbury eggs. Found out I really don't like them that well either. And there is more. Crazy! I love it though. Now if I could not like chocolate chip cookies I would feel better. :)

So I will continue to enjoy my basket of fruit and vegetables. I will continue to enjoy and actually look forward to exercising. And I will try to be more positive.

Humor of the week....my daughter wanted to exercise with me and we were using the Wii Sports Active program where we have two characters patterned, kind of, after ourselves. As we were getting ready to exercise my daughter asked which character was me. My husband in the background said, "The fat one." he he.

Ha ha! Caught you!

You thought I had quit didn't you! Ha ha! No such luck. Yes I have done poorly but I am still NOT quitting! I gave into tempation and weighed on Tuesday. Ugh! Yeah I had definately been stress eating with my husbands injury and taking care of him. Gained 5.5 pounds. Yeah, I know....not good.

Well, my leg is finally feeling great so I started exercising. I only worked out the last two days but can I tell you they were seriously killer ones. Yesterdays was so bad that my arch on one foot hurts very badly and my one hand and wrist hurt. Very odd and dumb places to hurt yourself from exercising if you ask me. So I have been wondering if it was my shoes as they have no arch support. So I am very happy that I am getting new decent ones. Can't wait! Today the program suggested I rest from my workout. Yeah! I needed to. I have iced my owies off and on all day.

I still have done bad at veggies. I can do fruits but it takes more effort for veggies so that has been my goal.

I can't tell you how much I appreciate the support. My favorite cheerleader is my cousin Kristin. She always makes me feel like I can do it and that is what I need. And what I think we all need. I need to be more like her. Thank you Kristin! You are amazing!

Happy exercising and eating those veggies. I am off to cut up some and pre-package them in hopes that it works!

Surprise!

I am totally shocked! I ate so bad. I was still sick, tired, and didn't exercise. Received a yummy delicious huge box of chocolates from my husband for Valentine's Day. And yet the scale said...........................wait for it.........................................THE SAME!!!!!!! I did not gain!!!!!! I was shocked as I ate the whole box by myself. Shhhh. It was so good. It is a good thing we don't get those all the time. :) Now if I could sleep so I could get better then maybe just maybe I could feel human.

One thing is I am very good at quitting. I quit everything! So I absolutely feel that I need and want to not quit this.

So...here is a little humor for you. I wonder if I look this funny when I do the hula hoop on the Wii. She is so funny when she exercises. I love it.